^ Ok. That’s kind of dramatic- but I really like that mustard yellow… and let’s be honest, when we are drowning is self doubt and lacking identity, comparison feels like it could actually kill us. I’m going to keep this post short because we all have busy lives and need to get back to scrolling instagram and such. Speaking of social media- let’s talk more about that. It has a lot to do with how we are going to beat the comparison game TOGETHER.
I want to preface this with letting you know I used to be in a really bad place mentally when it came to comparing myself to others- and have since then completely changed where my head goes- by having to go through some tough self reflection first of course. So I’m not just pulling this stuff out of my butt- it actually helped me and I hope it helps you.
1. Identity Adjustment
This first step is the less practical step because it comes down to how you build your identity, which varies all across the board depending on your religion, culture and upbringing. In some countries, your identity is built off how much land and cattle you have. In some religions, it can come from how many good things you do. For me, my identity comes from a God who made me to be a masterpiece. No masterpiece is perfect- and I’m surely a broken person, but God says no matter what I look like or what I do, I’m still His child and I will have HIS grace- even when I can’t give myself any. So where does your identity come from? Whatever it is, you need to own it- and embrace it.
2. Check yourself before you wreck yourself
I had to start doing this when I noticed I was coming down on myself pretty harshly after spending time on social media. I would scroll and see pictures of women traveling to amazing places, wearing amazing clothes, and buying amazing houses. They most likely had amazing skin and really cute shoes too. And here’s the thing… there’s nothing wrong with people having those things. What’s wrong is how we sometimes attack ourselves after seeing it. I made a pact with myself. Before I opened any social media app on my phone that day, I needed to do a self inventory of my identity. How do I feel about myself today? Can I look at myself inside out and be confident in this moment in who I am? Seems deep- but some days when I was being honest with myself, my answers were dismal- and I chose to stay off those apps that day. I’m not telling you to delete your accounts all together- though that works really well for some people. Just check yourself before putting yourself in a possibly negative situation.
3. Gain Knowledge
Here’s the one that might hurt to hear- but was the BIGGEST help to me. You know those people who you follow on social media that somehow have a rockin bod, perfect skin, climbed to the top of the corporate ladder and make lots of money, has a dope car, bought that dreamy home, travel to all of the places that you want to go, have the best style and of course seem to have the most positive attitude towards life? Yeah, we all follow someone who falls under one of those. You need to first know that those people don’t have perfect lives- WE ALL DON’T. They have struggles that they might not share, and things going on you may never know about.
Also know that knowledge is power.
Instead of creeping(harsh word but everyone is guilty) on all of these people, make it a point to get to KNOW them. Comment on their pictures/DM them and ASK questions. I’ve asked a travel blogger before how she manages to pay for all of her travels and she actually gave me a few good tips. I used to creep on Jessica Alba super because her body is incredible and instead of feeling inspired, I would feel envy. So I did some research and read a couple of interviews she did where she mentioned that doing Burpees everyday has changed her body completely. She was no longer this higher being I compared myself to- she was human. I’ve messaged someone asking them what their self care or devotional time looked like because their positive energy and outlook was contagious. It’s ok to improve yourself. We just can’t try to be someone we aren’t meant to be.
Don’t be a bystander. That’s how comparison creeps in. Be involved and always ask questions. When you can practice this over and over again, comparison fades away- and conversations create empowerment. For women, it can be really humbling to bridge that mental space, but it’s so important!
Brene says it best. When we stop comparing and own who KNOW we are meant to be, we can conquer any physical and mental boundaries.
There’s that famous pinterest quote that floats around. I think it’s Roosevelt. He said that “Comparison is the thief of Joy.”
And John 10:10 in the bible says that “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
You can replace the word “thief” with your vice- Greed, envy, jealousy… maybe for you it’s comparison. Jesus has come so I can have life to the fullest- a life that is meant only for me- and I have to embrace that.
I hope you enjoyed this! Feel free to leave a comment or share this post if it was helpful to you.
Love you all. I mean it.